


to the big dipper, nct

by jaemrenj



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: M/M, V!!! self indulgent, a little renhyuck and jaemren in there too, and chensung, idk i miss noren bring them back to me, implied! markhyuck, my headcanon, no markren?????? oh no, sorta renjun/everyone sorta not, the big dipper is only a later addition hihi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-08
Updated: 2019-04-08
Packaged: 2020-01-06 16:45:13
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,483
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18392342
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jaemrenj/pseuds/jaemrenj
Summary: jeno is beside him, holdind his hand and giving it a squeeze, thumb rubbing slow and soothing circles in his, and leaning in to nudge his shoulder before whispering, in the most Jeno way possible, slowly, carefully, and lovingly,big dipper.





	to the big dipper, nct

**Author's Note:**

> so the only time im able to write is when im swamped with papers to do and should be doing that instead... huh  
> ALSO THIS is once again v self indulgent and holds no truth except renjun's first impression of jeno IS that he's cold and he thought of not being in the same group with him and that one anecdote from renjun's childhood. this is my headcanon of what went on the first time dreamies became dreamies hahahaha 
> 
> ANW if u happen to read this i am sorry for everything :))  
> 

“what do you think the meeting would be about?” chenle asks renjun, almost like a whisper, voice tinged with evident worry but also hope. renjun can tell that this is so because it's how he’d sound like too as he was feeling both emotions strongly. worry stronger. might even be fear if he wants to make a distinction.

 

he woke up to a text from the manager gathering all of them in the practice room they’d spend all day and night practicing the same routines over and over again to perfection where they collectively groaned in pain, the room that has witnessed all of their breakdowns as they call home and assure them that _yes, we’ll be debuting soon._  the same room that knows too well the frustrations and their desperation to just debut.

 

when he starts preparing for the supposed meeting, he finds chenle outside the bathroom, just about to get in. their gazes meet and that’s how they both realize the both of them got the same message. renjun remembers feeling relief in the way chenle’s eyes grew bigger and if he were close enough to the younger, he could probably see the way they glisten with tears.

as he waits for chenle to finish, their groupchat pings after pings and its driving renjun crazy. he figures he should check it, see what the surge of notifications was about. and maybe he was just about to before deciding against it. wanting it, whatever  _it_ is, to come from their manager himself. he rationalizes it’d be thrilling that way too. something he would find himself regretting because as they walk closer to the room, his heart feels like getting out of its ribcage to scold him for not opening the groupchat to atleast give him an inkling of what he’s about to get into.

with a hand on the doorknob, renjun takes a deep breath before looking at chenle, hoping it calms him. but god, was he ever just jittery and sometimes unnecessarily honest,

“honestly? our fate.”

 

“no fucking way!”

donghyuck. ofcourse it would be him. renjun already feels like crying at this alone. knowing that someone he found so easy to hang out with would be in the same group as him. someone who has helped him so much, debuting first before him, always imparting what he’s learned from his own vocal runs to him and chenle, with so much patience and in a manner that made it enjoyable rather than straining and feeling like a choir from how repetitive it could get. if there’s anyone he wanted so much to be in the same group with, it’s donghyuck. the sun to his sunflower. renjun quickly dismisses the later thought. he can’t be sure yet.

jaemin and jisung follow. jaemin hugging him with the biggest smile plastered on his face, showing off his perfectly good set of pearly whites that renjun finds himself smiling too, with the same intensity. and it’s easy to do so too when you're around a certain na jaemin whose optimism has helped him so much when he went through his own fair share hard times, knowing the exact moment he needed to be isolated and be walked to their room, lights dim and sometimes none at all, setting off the perfect mood for when he would listen to renjun so attentively and even when sometimes, he’s taking too much of the time talking, jaemin encourages him to keep doing so, and there’s never a time they both get out of their rooms without renjun feeling better and grateful that he has someone like jaemin whose smile alone calms him greatly.

jisung hugs him next, brief, like how an adolescent boy seemingly void of emotions would when saying goodbye to his father infront of his friends, and renjun chuckles at his attempt to look brazen, but he knows jisung. feels it in the way he grips his elbow, giving it a small and tight squeeze that he’s glad as he is that whatever’s about to happen, they face it together. renjun reaches to ruffle his hair, making an effort of extending his hand with the way jisung’s growth cells seem to be spiting him.

he then watches as he proceeds to chenle to give him a hug with exclamations of glee. renjun warms at the sight. chenle got in the company around the same time as he did and despite already having the experience of being a performer in their home country, china, this was new territory for the younger with a language he has to learn diligently and a culture so rich and he has to be familiar within a certain period of time. all these were made easy and better to handle when chenle meets jisung. determined to help chenle in any way that he can and along the way developing this bond making the two inseparable. knowing each other so well and too well.

with the scene playing before him, renjun thinks of how this was going too well. and it should serve as a tell-tale sign that it’s fine to assume the best of things now. but renjun just needs their manager to confirm what it’s about. having seen too many crestfallen faces over hopes getting crushed all over the building and even in the shared dorms he has with his Kkun and winwin-ges, he’s developed a mentality to never be sure of something, especially when it’s supposed to be something he wants, unless confirmed and stated and with him as witness. he just can’t afford to build his hopes up only for things to fall through and with the industry he is in, there’s bound to be a lot of it.

 

“is this all of us?” chenle asks in  unconfident korean and jisung laughs endearingly, answering him that _no it isn’t_ and before even finishing what he’s was about to say, the ever so boisterous voice of donghyuck fills the room.

 

“jeno lee!”

 

renjun finds himself in those kind of films where everything just goes in slow motion and the only ones that aren’t affected are him and Jeno, the boy whose eyes are already turning into crescents as he looks around the room as if already knowing who were in it and what it was all about, and when his gaze settles on him, the world goes back to its regular pace. except for renjun’s already beating heart, it’s cadence familiar but something he just can’t get accustomed to, always making him hold his breath as he looks at the boy before him who in turn is looking at him intetly, the crescents gone and renjun wonders what the hell that could mean. should he be offended? does he not want to be in the same group as him? which to be fair is understandable. he initially didn’t want to debut in the same unit as jeno too and when the latter knew of this.. let’s just say it got renjun to resort to being sickeningly sweet like honey to the younger. but did jeno really have to shove it in his face his distaste at the possibility of being together in this very crucial and sensitive moment for all of them? which renjun knows is wrong to think of jeno's intentions. it's always sincerity and kindness with jeno but he can’t help the intrusive thoughts when jeno’s simply looking at him.

 

“you”

 

renjun doesn’t answer for a couple of seconds. he’s taken aback! it’s not like him to pick himself back up almost immediately after being rendered speechless. and it’s jeno. he always finds himself, sometimes, in a stuttering and incoherent mess when dealing with him.

 

“me…?”

 

the smile is back on his face again and renjun can’t see his own reflection but he just knows he’s hot in the cheeks. he feels it all throughout his body so it should be safe to assume that his cheeks are showing it. and he hates that it does. never knowing discreet, always open for the world to see that _yes! i blush a lot! and what about it!_

renjun's gaze follows him as he takes a seat across him and beside jaemin and when their eyes meet again, jeno gives him a small smile, a  _knowing_ one, something renjun can confidently say is a smile reserved between him and the boy. it brings renjun back to the reality that he’s been staring far too long. and that everyone’s eyes are on them.

 

“love it! subtlety is off the list!” donghyuck exclaims and the room is filled with teasing laughter, jeno laughing along but also hitting jaemin's lap to tone down his laughter.

what renjun thought of pinching donghyuk’s sides are suspended when not a moment later, the absolutely fully capable mark lee enters and donghyuck immediately stands up, gasping as he and mark stare at each other. mark smiling in glee and the younger in disbelief. it’s almost comical how the expressions on their faces are at both ends of the spectrum.

“it’s the dream team!” donghyuck exclaims running to mark to give him the biggest hug renjun’s ever seen him give out to someone, and he already gives big hugs as it is.

“dream team,” renjun hears mark repeat with a chuckle, muffled, but in a room that has all eyes and ears on the two, even the slightest hitch of their voices can be heard. their hug lasts especially longer this time, the 5 of them looking at them fondly, understanding immediately what the sniffs they hear from donghyuck entails, being the most adamant advocate of the  _dream team_ , something he’s dubbed all seven of them one night after practice, confessing that while it’s nice to be debuting with their hyungs, he wishes he could also be performing on stage with them too. they respond with silence that wishes of the same thing, in a volume only they can hear. mark pats his back, letting donhyuck cry it out and renjun notices how calmly he's taking control of things, already seeing how much of a great leader he would be if he were to spearhead this group.

 

mark turns to all of them, that proud smile still on his face and renjun lets himself loosen up. a little. maybe, just _maybe_ , it’s time to grab the light, the one he thought was never tangible, but now, just beyond his reach.

 

their manager comes shortly after and when he closes the door, renjun allows himself to scan the boys in the room, all looking at the most awaited man in anticipation.

jisung and chenle’s hands are held together, donhyuck already in his face a confident borderline smug smile, mark beside him looking as if he’d want to say the news himself, jaemin’s habit of biting his lips done even more rapidly and when renjun’s eyes land on Jeno, he sees him already staring right back at him giving him a smile, and it’s one of  _his_ smiles. the same smile he first flashed renjun, making him rethink of what was a poorly constructed and shallow first impression, finding out how cold is what jeno isn’t. jeno could never be. he’s warm. the kind you need embracing you, the kind of warmth that you revel in and never want to be away from.

it’s the same smile he gives him when he helped him out with his korean assignment one time, messing up what should’ve been something he had already perfected after weeks of studying and coming up with a measly defense of, _but i'm a foreigner, this is supposed to be hard_. taking the seat beside him and correcting him with a voice laced with patience and encouragement. renjun gets it right in no time.

it’s the same smile that listens to him as he talks about moomin, a show he grew up watching during his childhood, adding his own input of liking snufikin's character the most with to which renjun took with a surprise as he always assumed he'd like moomin himself the best, always enjoying the company of people, easily noticing when things aren’t the same and worry quickly taking over when one of them is unhappy.

the same smile that’s always there to remind him how there’s a lot of things to smile about when things are starting to get iffy and not going the way renjun’s envisioned things to be, even coming up with a list of renjun’s interests with the last item having been crashed out but renjun clearly can make out his name. and besides, what did jeno think of him? he’s written his name a few too many times to recognize it even under all the scrawny lines he’s drawn over it. unbeknownst to him, he writes _jeno_ , neatly, in comparison to the mess beside it. because it’s true, as opposed to what he first wanted which was to not have anything to do with him, he wanted everything that meant being with jeno and it could even be just doing nothing at all. his crush for the boy growing more and more as they spend more of their trainings together.

it’s the same smile that he gave renjun as they lie in the field of hangang River staring at the night sky where in that one particular night, stars filled its entire expanse, talking about the most vivid anecdotes they have from their childhood. renjun tells him of the story of how in the darkness, he found solace in the stars and that enabled him to get home safely, knowing that the stars would be there to keep him in the right track. he tells jeno of his favourite constellation too, the big dipper, to which Jeno then promises of togetherness, _‘like the stars that connect to form the big dipper.’_  renjun slaps him playfully, cringing at his being corny but also holding on to his promise despite knowing that promises made so surely almost always never lasts. but he does, anyways. keeps it close to his heart, etched into a special corner of his brain labeled  _all things jeno lee_. because he’d want to be together with jeno, too. wanting more than ever to keep his smile where he could see it and keep him tethered to the ground, like an anchor would a ship docked at bay.

 

it’s then and there that renjun relaxes and frees himself from the fear of things not going right and uncertainty, picturing out all 7 of them, under one spotlight, and with a crowd cheering for only them, chanting their names in excitement and relief from having been waiting for far too long. jeno is beside him, holding his hand and giving it a squeeze, thumb rubbing slow and soothing circles in his, and leaning in to nudge his shoulder before whispering, in the most Jeno way possible, slowly, carefully, and lovingly, _big dipper_.

**Author's Note:**

> @jaemrenj on twt :)) sorry  
> i rlly shld be doing the papers,,, bye goodnight goomorning


End file.
